Find Out What Are Your Relationship Attachment Styles?
Counseling for Relationships for Adults with Unhealthy Attachments
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What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory is a framework for understanding how we form and maintain close relationships with others. According to attachment theory, our earliest attachments to our caregivers lay the foundation for all of our future relationships. If we had a secure, supportive relationship with our caregiver, we're more likely to develop a secure attachment style as adults. This means that we're able to form close, intimate relationships without feeling overly anxious or jealous. We're also able to give our partners the space and independence they need, knowing that our relationship is strong enough to weather any storms. If we had an insecure, unsupportive relationship with our caregiver, we're more likely to develop an anxious or avoidant attachment style as adults. This means that we may have difficulty forming close, intimate relationships. We may find ourselves getting anxious or jealous easily, or we may have a hard time trusting our partner. We may also tend to give them less space and independence than they need, which can put a strain on the relationship.
What is your relationship attachment style?
Take a moment to think about how you relate to others in close, intimate relationships. Do you tend to be clingy and needy, or do you give your partner space and independence? Do you find yourself getting anxious or jealous easily, or do you feel confident and secure in your relationships? Your attachment style is based on your early experiences with caregivers, and it plays a big role in how you relate to others as an adult. People with a secure attachment style tend to have healthier, more satisfying relationships because they're able to strike a balance between intimacy and independence. Those with an anxious or avoidant attachment style may have more difficulty forming close, intimate bonds. Those with a disorganized attachment style may swing between anxious and avoidant behaviors. If you're not sure what your attachment style is, take this quiz to find out. Then, read on to learn more about the different types of attachment styles and how they can impact your relationships.
What Is Your Relationship Attachment Style Quiz
Attachment Style Quiz
This quiz is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or the treatment of any health condition. If you would like to seek the advice of a licensed mental health professional, you can contact Jennifer L. Hillier, M.A. LPC, for an appointment.
Instructions: For each question, choose the answer that best describes how you usually feel in relationships.
1. When I'm in a relationship, I often worry that my partner will:
A. Leave me
B. Not want to be as close to me as I want to be
C. Get too close to me and smother me
D. I don't usually worry about my partner leaving me or getting too close.
2. When my partner is busy or not available, I usually:
A. Feel anxious and wonder what I did wrong
B. Feel sad and lonely
C. Get angry and start arguments
D. I don't usually feel anxious, sad, or angry when my partner is busy or not available.
3. When I'm in a relationship, I often feel:
A. Jealous of my partner's other relationships (platonic or romantic)
B. That I'm not good enough for my partner
C. That my partner is too good for me
D. I don't usually feel jealous, inferior, or superior in my relationships.
4. When I'm in a relationship, I:
A. Like having a lot of time to myself
B. Like having some time to myself, but I also enjoy being close to my partner
C. Don't like having any time to myself, I prefer to be close to my partner all the time
D. I'm not sure, it depends on my mood.
5. When I think about my ideal relationship, I:
A. Imagine being completely independent and doing my own thing
B. Imagine having a partner who is supportive and understanding, but who also gives me space to be myself
C. Imagine being very close to my partner and sharing everything with them
D. I'm not sure, I haven't given it much thought.
Results:
If you answered mostly As:
You may have an avoidant attachment style. People with an avoidant attachment style tend to be independent and self-reliant. They're often uncomfortable with too much closeness or intimacy in relationships and may have a difficult time expressing their feelings. If you have an avoidant attachment style, you may benefit from therapy to help you learn how to open up and be more emotionally intimate with your partner.
If you answered mostly Bs:
You may have a secure attachment style. People with a secure attachment style can strike a balance between intimacy and independence. They're comfortable with close relationships and can express their feelings openly and honestly. If you have a secure attachment style, you're likely to have healthier, more satisfying relationships.
If you answered mostly Cs:
You may have an anxious attachment style. People with an anxious attachment style tend to be clingy and needy. They often worry about their partner leaving them and may have difficulty trusting their partner. If you have an anxious attachment style, you may benefit from therapy to help you learn how to trust your partner and feel more secure in your relationship.
If you answered mostly Ds:
You may have a disorganized attachment style. This is the least common attachment style and may be the result of trauma or a difficult childhood. People with a disorganized attachment style may have trouble forming close, intimate relationships. If you have a disorganized attachment style, you may benefit from therapy to help you learn how to trust people and form healthier relationships.
Four types of attachment styles
Secure: People with a secure attachment style tend to feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They're often able to strike a balance between the two, and they have healthy, satisfying relationships.
Avoidant: People with an avoidant attachment style may be uncomfortable with too much closeness or intimacy in relationships. They may have difficulty expressing their feelings and may prefer to be independent and self-reliant.
Anxious: People with an anxious attachment style may worry about their partner leaving them. They may have difficulty trusting their partner and may feel clingy or needy.
Disorganized: This is the least common attachment style, and it may be the result of trauma or a difficult childhood. People with a disorganized attachment style may have trouble forming close, intimate relationships.
If you're not sure which attachment style you have, or if you think you may have a mixture of styles, don't worry. There's no right or wrong answer, and you can always talk to a therapist if you want help exploring your attachment style.
How unhealthy attachments impact can impact our relationships?
Unhealthy attachment styles can impact our relationships in several ways. People with an avoidant attachment style may have difficulty being emotionally intimate with their partner. People with an anxious attachment style may be clingy and needy, which can be off-putting to a partner. People with a disorganized attachment style may have trouble forming close, intimate relationships. If you have an unhealthy attachment style, you may benefit from therapy to help you learn how to form healthier relationships. People with unhealthy attachment styles tend to find themselves in abusive or unhealthy relationships because they're attracted to partners who are also unhealthy for them. If you find yourself in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, please seek help from a therapist or hotline. You deserve to be in a healthy, happy relationship!
How can counseling help me develop healthier attachment styles?
If you have an unhealthy attachment style, counseling can help you develop healthier ways of relating to others. Counseling can also help you work through any traumas or difficult experiences from your past that may be affecting your ability to form close intimate relationships. If you're struggling in your relationships, consider seeking out the help of a counselor or therapist. They can help you learn how to trust people, express your feelings, and develop healthier, more satisfying relationships.
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