Break Free and Recover from the Effects of Trauma Bonding.
Break the bondage that keeps you trapped in toxic relationships with a professional counselor specializing in trauma and abuse.
Trauma Bond Therapist Jennifer L. Hillier provides counseling online in Texas, Florida, and Vermont.
"Learn how trauma bonding traps victims in abusive relationships. Discover manipulative tactics, break free, and recover with our counseling services."
Are You in a Trauma Bonding Relationship?
A trauma-bonding relationship occurs when one person does something that could be perceived as traumatic or abusive, and the other person stays in the relationship regardless of their feelings about it. If you feel like you’re being gaslighted or walking on eggshells, you might be in a trauma-bonding relationship with your partner, also known as an emotional abuse relationship. Here are some telltale signs of an unhealthy trauma-bonding relationship to look out for. A trauma-bonding relationship includes your partner making you feel like they have power and control over your life. This is often accomplished by gaslighting or manipulating your perception of reality. Gaslighting can be overt, such as when your partner tells you what happened didn’t happen or never happened that way.
It can also be subtle, such as when they joke about your reactions to their abuse. Your abuser may use these tactics to convince you they’re always right and that nothing is their fault. They might even tell you that you deserve their behavior because of something terrible that happened to you in your past. These statements are not factual; no one deserves abuse. If someone makes you feel like you deserve mistreatment, they abuse power and control over your life. A person who wants to help others would like them to live free from harm; an abusive person will wish them under their thumb to maintain power over them. Understanding how abuse works can empower you to stand up for yourself, escape a harmful situation, and regain your independence.
Do you find yourself making excuses for them? But they had a difficult childhood—trust issues from past relationships. It was my fault they treated me badly I should have known better.
There are Several Different Types of Power:
Isolation - Keeping someone away from their friends and family so they have no support system.
Financial Abuse - Controlling a person's access to money or assets.
Emotional Abuse - Using words or actions to cause fear, humiliation, shame, or embarrassment.
Verbal Abuse - Yelling, screaming insults, name-calling, and using put-downs.
Sexual Abuse - Coercing someone into unwanted sexual activity through threats, pressure, or the use of force.
Physical Abuse – Hurting someone physically by punching, slapping, kicking, or using weapons against them.
Stalking - Following or spying on someone.
Intimidation - Threatening harm to oneself or others.
While power and control are separate elements of abuse, they often go hand in hand. For example, they may emotionally abuse their partner by calling them names while simultaneously isolating them from their friends and family. Power and control are critical components of any abusive relationship.
What is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonding was coined by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., author of Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. It refers to an attachment between two people where one person has been manipulated into believing they are dependent on their partner or are hooked on them. The abused person often feels as though they need to be with their abuser because they believe that without them, they will not survive or be able to function normally. They may feel they have no other options for support and love. They also may feel like it’s too late to leave their abusive relationship because it would be too painful and cause trauma (hence, it’s called trauma bonding). This can happen whether you’re in a romantic relationship, friendship, family member, co-worker, etc.
All types of relationships can become trauma bonded when there is abuse involved. To understand how trauma bonding works, it helps to understand what happens during traumatic experiences and how our brains respond to these situations. When we experience trauma, we go through what’s known as the fight or flight mode. During fight or flight mode, our bodies secrete hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, which help us escape danger or fight against whatever might hurt us. Adrenaline increases heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, and metabolism while decreasing blood flow to all non-essential organs. Cortisol increases blood sugar levels so that your brain gets more energy. However, since neither fighting nor running away is typically an option when we’re being emotionally abused by someone close to us, our bodies remain in fight-or-flight mode until we get out of that situation.
Did you know? That years of trauma bonding can lead to long-term emotional and psychological effects, difficulty regulating emotions, impaired decision-making, and increased risk of developing mental health disorders.
Signs you are Entering a Trauma Bonding Relationship?
Signs you are entering a trauma-bonding relationship include your partner developing your trust and love by mirroring your values and making you feel like no one understands or loves you as they do. Then tearing you down whenever you question their bad behavior making your own sanity. This is often accomplished by gaslighting or manipulating your perception of reality. Gaslighting can be overt, such as when your partner tells you what happened didn’t happen or never happened that way. It can also be subtle, such as when they joke about your reactions to their abuse. Your abuser may use these tactics to convince you they’re always right and that nothing is their fault. They might even tell you that you deserve their behavior because of something terrible that happened to you in your past. These statements are not factual; no one deserves abuse. If someone makes you feel like you deserve mistreatment, they abuse power and control over your life.
A person who wants to help others would like them to live free from harm; an abusive person will wish them under their thumb to maintain power over them. Understanding how abuse works can empower you to stand up for yourself and escape a harmful situation. The first step is recognizing when power and control have been taken away from you; only then can you regain your independence. Power and control are at the center of all abusive relationships. Power refers to one person having control over another person through threats, intimidation, manipulation, or other means. If you feel like your partner has power over you because they are threatening to kill themselves if you leave or threaten you with harm if you don’t do what they say, then that’s a form of power and control.
Free yourself from toxic relationships with the help of a trauma and abuse specialist counselor. Break the bondage and move towards healing.
Recovering from Trauma Bonding Relationships
Recovering from Trauma Bonding Relationships is not easy. It takes time, patience, and understanding, but most importantly, help from a professional counselor who specializes in trauma. Many people don’t understand why they can’t just walk away or forget about their abuser or why they feel like they are dying when they leave. The truth is that trauma bounding it is like an addiction. Due to the manipulative nature of trauma bonding, victims of these relationships often experience addiction-like symptoms. The continuous release of cortisol in response to the traumatic experiences keeps the victim mentally trapped in a repetitive cycle of bonds that continuously floods the victim's system with cortisol, making the victim crave and seek out positive aspects of the relationship that provide a release of dopamine.
Trauma-bonding relationships are so intense that you cannot recognize that the relationship is unhealthy despite the abuse or betrayal. It is a relationship with someone; you will do anything to be with them because you have become psychologically addicted to your abuser's power and control over you. The longer you stay, the more powerful your bond becomes until it feels like there is no way out of your situation. Despite the negative impact the relationship has on their health, individuals find it challenging to break away due to feelings of helplessness and loss of control caused by the bond with their abuser.
Trauma bonding occurs when an abuser uses manipulation tactics and cycles of abuse to create a sense of dependence in the victim, leading to a strong attachment or bond between the two. This bond can be challenging to break and may cause the victim to remain in the abusive relationship despite its negative impact on their physical and emotional well-being. The manipulative nature of certain feelings, such as fear, excitement, and sexual arousal, is used to entrap or entangle the victim in an abusive relationship. This is especially true for vulnerable people whose emotional needs have gone unmet as a part of the grooming process of trauma bonding. Individuals in such relationships will experience periods of intense love and excitement followed by episodes of neglect, mistreatment, and abuse.
Recovering from a Trauma-bonding relationship requires you to disconnect and disengage with your abuser completely. This may not be possible in relationships that have relational ties. Learn how to recover from trauma-bonding relationships. If you have been abused by a partner who has gaslighted, belittled, or manipulated you, it is likely they have created a trauma bond between you. Trauma bonding is an abusive method used to train your mind and body to react on cue whenever something happens within your relationship. You need to realize that if you continue allowing these adverse reactions to occur, you will never be able to break free from your partner. You deserve a life of happiness where you feel safe and secure. It is time to take back control of your life and start taking steps toward freedom today!
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
10 Tips for Recovery From a Traumatic Bonding Experience
Avoid contact with the person who inflicted the trauma
Practice self-care by taking care of your physical and mental health needs
Set boundaries with yourself and those around you to protect your emotional wellbeing
Spend time with supportive people who make you feel good
Challenge any negative thoughts or feelings that arise about yourself
Rewrite any stories about yourself that no longer serve a purpose
Focus on building trust in yourself again
Get in touch with your inner thoughts and feelings through meditation or journaling
Believe in yourself and your ability to heal!
Start Counseling with a Licensed Professional Counselor with certified training in trauma recovery.
If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, ask yourself these questions:
Do I feel afraid of my partner?
Do I ever avoid specific topics when talking to my partner for fear of angering them?
Does my partner tell me what I can and cannot wear?
Does my partner track where I am or with whom I’m?
Has my partner threatened to hurt themself or me if I leave?
Has my partner threatened to hurt my children, pets, or other loved ones if I go?
Has my partner ever hit, slapped, kicked, or physically hurt me during an argument?
Has anyone else noticed strange behavior from my partner (i.e., extreme jealousy)?
Have there been times when we were not getting along but later made up by having sex?
Have I given up activities or hobbies that were important to me before meeting my partner?
Are there secrets that neither of us will discuss with anyone else?
Does my partner constantly check on me by asking personal questions about where I've been and whom I've seen?
Do I feel uncomfortable answering those questions? Are we both always right in our arguments, even if only one of us is right?
These are examples of power and control tactics. However, each relationship will display power and control differently. The Power and Control Wheel is a good illustration of how a trauma-bonding relationship works.
Therapy Designed to Help You Heal and Step Into Your Authentic Self.
You deserve to live a life driven by your passion and purpose, not your emotions. Allow me to help you make the changes you have been longing for. It's time to move on from your past, reclaim your future and step into your authentic self. Imagine a life where you no longer feel controlled by your thoughts, where you freely express yourself with conviction, honor your body, and celebrate all its imperfections. Take your next step confidently in the direction of your dreams, and live the life you have always imagined. Take comfort in knowing that you are no longer in this alone. You are in safe experienced hands now.
